Funny Quotes About Dogs

So many good quotes about dogs. They make great muses. Here are some of my favorite funny dog quotes:

“If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.” Phil Pastoret
(Yep. They can count.)

“Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.” Franklin P. Jones
(My dog falls asleep laying on her back, waiting for more belly rubs.)

“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.” O.A. Battista
(If not for dogs, the park would be empty.)

“If your dog is too fat, you are not getting enough exercise.” Unknown.
(Alright, fine. Guilty as charged. We’re working on it.)

“Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.” Franklin P. Jones
(That, or Mr. Jones doesn’t know how to duck and cover when his dog is about to shake all that water off.)

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” Ambrose Bierce
(Some call it affection; others call it revenge.)

“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother - and they'll settle for a puppy every time.” Winston Pendelton
(I need to tell my little cousins this trick…)

“Labradors [are] lousy watchdogs. They usually bark when there is a stranger about, but it is an expression of unmitigated joy at the chance to meet somebody new, not a warning.” Norman Strung
(That’s the difference between a “guard dog” and an “alarm dog.” But at least they’re barking, right?)

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” Harry S Truman
(So THAT’S why so many presidents have dogs!)

“Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.” Unknown
(I first saw this on a sign at a vet’s office. That’s how I knew my dog would be cared for there.)

“Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.” Agnes Sligh Turnbull
(But if they could control it and it would make us happy, I’m sure they’d work on it.)